He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
