How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
