Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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