when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
