You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
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