hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
how drunk are you?
Several
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
