My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
