Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Randomize
