I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
