He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
