I wish my penis had an off switch
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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