We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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