Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
