Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
