Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
