I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So apparently I’m into choking now
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
