I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
