i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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