well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize