"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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