does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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