well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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