I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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