So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
