Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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