If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
