i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
