Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
