You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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