my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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