watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
