It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
