Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
