I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
