sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
