I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
