Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
