thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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