i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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