i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
