I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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