He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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