what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
