You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We were destined to go to rehab together
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
