I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
