chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
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