I wanna passion pit in your ass
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
