How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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