Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I queefed so loud it echoed.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
