Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize