No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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