my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
