These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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