i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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