So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
