boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
