What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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